


Forward Motion (Towards a New Beginning)

by tptigger



Series: The Jeanie Quartet [4]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, M/M, Original Characters - Freeform, buckle up we're going au, canon error apply fanfic, otherwise I couldn't make it work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-15
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:01:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27017749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tptigger/pseuds/tptigger
Summary: Hugh's back and he's not sure how he feels about that.
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Series: The Jeanie Quartet [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1250321
Comments: 27
Kudos: 18





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to Emmakelandry for the beta and to the USS Spaceboos for lots of support and for not nagging me when they knew the first draft of this existed for over a year!
> 
> I had to go AU, because I had _plans_ and If Memory Serves didn't make them work. So I started there and took a sharp left turn. (Don't worry, Jeanie's here!)

Paul blinked as he stepped into their quarters.

An open plastic tub sat on the floor. Hugh was going through the open closet, separating the white uniforms from the intermingled blue ones. Hugh was seriously packing. Shit.

Paul took a deep breath.

"Look, I did a shitty job of listening earlier."

Hugh snorted. "I'll say." He tossed a uniform into the tub.

"Can we try that again?" Paul asked. "Please?"

"So you can not listen some more?" Hugh slammed the tub closed, then stalked over to the cabinet.

"So I can listen," Paul said. "I was so busy being glad that you're back that I didn't see how much you're struggling. I see now. Can we try this again? Please?"

"That isn't moving forward."

"Isn't it?" Paul said. "You said we can't pick up where we left off, and you're right. I've been through... nowhere near as much as you have and things are different but I'm not about to throw out ten years of marriage..."

"The man you married _died_ , which part of that did you not understand?" Hugh snapped.

"The part where you're standing right here."

"I'm not him. I remember being him but..." Hugh trailed off, scrubbing a hand over his face.

Paul waited.

"You're just going to stand there?"

"I was waiting for you to finish your sentence."

Hugh rubbed the back of his neck. "It's like... a book I read? A holo-novel. An opera. Not something that happened to me... even though there's a first person camera. A dream of someone else's life."

Paul frowned.

"What?"

"I..." He sighed. "I know you're the MD in the family but after the whole Lorca-Mirror Universe fiasco all the team leaders had to a bunch of training..."

Hugh frowned. "Since when did you even do those?"

"Since Tilly went and nearly got herself killed."

Hugh raised an eyebrow. "Where are you going with this?"

"What's your diagnosis on a patient who presents with dissociation, a detachment from their memories?"

"Is a memory graft on a new body."

"Not you. In your sickbay."

Hugh frowned, then sighed. "Recent trauma?"

Good, he was playing along; maybe this time he'd listen.

"Yes."

"Refer them for a psych eval, it's possible they have PTSD."

Paul cocked his head at Hugh. Waiting for him to make the connection.

Hugh shook his head. "You're good, I'll give you that, but I still think you're wrong."

"Clearly we need a third opinion. How about Counselor Burgis?"

Hugh spilled onto the couch. "You're a stubborn SOB, you know that?"

"I thought that was why you married me."

Hugh snorted.

Paul sat next to him.

"This isn't moving forward," Hugh said quietly.

"Why can't we move forward together?" Paul asked, in the same soft tone. "I want to help you. I should've listened more and let you figure out what that looked like; not tried to steamroll over your feelings."

Hugh leaned forward, setting his face behind his hands. "I still don't know what that looks like. You deserve...."

Paul waited, trying to keep breathing.

"You deserve someone who actually loves you, not someone who just remembers it."

"That's a sign of..."

"What if it's not? What if I hurt you?"

"I'm willing to take that chance."

Hugh looked up at him. "What if I'm not?"

Paul reached out, squeezing his shoulder. "Are you sure you just remember loving me?"

Hugh blinked. "That's not..."

"You don't think that's a good start?"

"You're so _stubborn._ "

"It's a Stamets family trait." Paul's padd started ringing. "Speaking of, it's Jeanie. Unless you want to deal with a tiny bundle of stubborn, maybe stay quiet?"

"You're going to get that?"

"Have you seen our niece's puppy dog eyes? Besides, she will call incessantly until I answer and then yell at me for working too hard again."

"At least someone in the Stamets family has sense," Hugh muttered, retreating to the bed.

"Hi, Uncle Paul," Jeanie said, brightly. The dratted Uncle Paul bear was sitting on her lap.

"Hey, Sprite. Can I call you back tomorrow? It's been a long day."

Jeanie frowned. "But..."

"Really, kiddo, tomorrow?" Paul said, before she could complain that the Uncle Paul bear missed the Uncle Hugh bear and he had to explain that to Hugh.

"Are you working too hard, Uncle Paul?" Her eyes narrowed.

There was shifting on the bed. Probably Hugh burying his face in his pillow in an attempt not to laugh. Hopefully trying not to laugh, not trying not to cry.

"No," Paul said. "I have a friend who had a bad day and they really just need someone to talk to right now. Are you ok?"

Jeanie nodded. "I just miss you."

"I miss you too, Sprite. Talk soon, OK?"

"Bye, Uncle Paul."

"Good bye, sweetheart." Paul hung up the padd and turned to Hugh. "Now where..."

"What the hell?" Hugh asked him, holding up the Hugh bear.

Well, fuck.

* * *

Hugh stepped out of range of the padd's camera as Paul reached out to take the call. He should've started packing again, but one wrong move....

Paul was right. Hugh didn't have the energy to deal with an overexcited Jeanie right now. (Also, the kid didn't need to deal with the guy who looked just like her second favorite uncle but wasn't really--well, ever, if Hugh had anything to do with it; the poor kid had been through enough without dealing with the same false hope that was currently etched all over Paul's face. She'd been through enough.)

Hugh suppressed a sigh, electing instead to sit on the bed, stretching out on his side. He was met with a lump he had previously not noticed, buried under the covers. It squished under his weight, poking him in the hip with a plastic button and something up his side that felt sharp...

Paul might've stuck an extra pillow under there, but it didn't _feel_ like a pillow. Hugh reached under the blankets, fully intending to just fish it out and then go back to contemplating what he should and shouldn't take.

He scrunched his nose as his hand closed around something soft and plush. Had Paul put some kind of weird _velvet pillow_ on his side of the bed?

Hugh pulled it out and....

It wasn't a pillow.

It was a brown teddy bear, dressed in Discovery's medical uniform. Pinned to its chest was a medal. A disproportionate medal. Engraved with his name.

Well, the name everyone said was his--"Hugh Culber."

What?

Hugh couldn't breathe.

Paul had dressed a teddy bear like him--the old him--and given it what he presumed was a medal awarded to him posthumously.

It was... very out of character. This was not a bear that would've ever been constructed by the man that Hugh remembered. Was he in an alternate universe? Was that why everything felt so strange?

It made about as much sense as a bio-printed body with imprinted memories.

Hugh looked up just in time to see Paul turn to him.

"Now, where were..."

He held up the bear. "What the hell?"

"It's a teddy bear?"

"Ya think?" Hugh asked. "Why is he dressed like me?"

"Our niece has some very interesting ideas about grief," Paul replied, "and a killer set of puppy dog eyes."

"And the medal?"

"Jeanie. Puppy dog eyes."

"Did she have another impromptu visit?" Hugh asked.

"No?"

"Then why's it in the bed?"

Paul shrugged. "I guess I just missed you."

Hugh fell forward, flopping face down on the bed, the weight of Paul's expectations too much.

"Hugh?"

He didn't respond; wouldn't respond--the name felt more like it should belong to the bear than to him.

The bed sank next to him. "Would you like it if I touched your back?"

"I don't know," Hugh said. "Nothing feels right. Everything is different.... like I remember what things should feel like and I can identify them but it's... through a filter? I don't know. Everything hurts or feels weird or doesn't make sense. Not even you. If I were me, wouldn't you make sense? You're supposed to be my husband for G-d's sake."

"That sounds terrifying."

Hugh turned to face Paul. He was frowning, eyes narrowed. Yet he looked so soft, caring. "You have no idea."

"It must be so strange, to have been in the network in that nightmare and wanting to come home and then getting here and still being so scared."

Hugh nodded, tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted to fall into Paul's arms but...

"C'mere," Paul said, holding his arms open.

Hugh shook his head. "I'll hurt you; I don't want to hurt you."

"You pushing me away when you're hurting is going to hurt me more than you deciding you want to move on," Paul said. "Let me help. Even if things don't work out the way I hope, it's better than watching you suffer on your own."

Hugh sat up. "Are you sure?"

"As I've ever been," Paul said.

Hugh fell into his arms then, leaning his forehead into the crook of Paul's neck.

"I'm here," Paul said, wrapping his arms tightly around Hugh and making circles on Hugh's back with the palm of his hand. "I'm right here."

* * *

Hugh woke up the next morning constrained. Had the Jahssep done something new? Were they going to... He didn't even know, he just sat up abruptly he'd need to find...

"Hugh?" Paul's sleepy voice asked.

Hugh breathed in, then out. Discovery. Safe.

Home?

"Go back to sleep, Paul," Hugh said.

"You OK?" Paul asked, rubbing his eyes.

No. "Just a little disoriented."

"Hugh," Paul said.

"I don't know if I'll ever be OK again."

"Computer, time," Paul said.

"O-nine-hundred," the computer replied.

"Call Counselor Burgis right now," Paul said, firmly.

Hugh sighed. "Paul."

"Forward motion," Paul said.

Hugh blinked.

"You can't tell me that therapy won't help you work through everything that happened to you."

"Maybe I should just get a bear dressed like you instead."

"Jeanie could lend you hers," Paul joked. "Seriously, Hugh, you say you don't want to hurt me? Take care of yourself by seeking help for this."

"That's a cheap shot," Hugh said.

"I seem to remember you pulling out that line..."

"That wasn't..."

Paul snorted. "Just call her."

"After breakfast."

"OK," Paul said. "You want to go to the mess hall or should I go grab..."

"You missed the part where Captain Pike confined me to quarters today like a little kid, huh?"

"OK, so what should I get you?"

* * *


	2. Chapter 2

_The only way to know if something is the right path is to walk it._

The counselor's words rang through Hugh's head as he headed back to ~~Paul's~~ his quarters.

He couldn't even use not wanting to hurt Paul as an excuse but...

Everything was just _frightening_. He paused, taking in some deep breaths, touching the cool wall of the ship. It was one of the less obtrusive exercises Burgiss had given him.

"Doctor Culber?"

Hugh blinked. Shit, Michael Burnham was probably one of the last people he should be talking to right now.

"Are you all right?" she asked.

"Working on it," he said, which was at least honest. At least he thought it was.

"Is there something I can do?"

"You're not angry at me?"

Michael scrunched up her face. "For what?"

"Trying to beat up on your boyfriend."

"It's hard to blame you. Also, he's not my boyfriend anymore. Killing your friend and then trying to kill you will put a damper on any relationship."

Hugh raised an eyebrow.

"I still...." Michael shook her head. "You really don't need this unloaded on you right now. Is there something I can do?"

"Not treat me like I'm made of glass?" Hugh said. "Also maybe distract me a little? I just came from Counselor Burgis and I'm a bit stuck in my own head." 

"I can understand that, I've been having that problem myself now and again. And Burgis has a way of making you think."

He suppressed a sigh. "Walk me back to quarters? Pike confined me there, I was only allowed to go to her office and back. I'm surprised Nhan didn't assign security to escort me."

Michael nodded, heading in that direction, and politely refrained from pointing out that he hadn't referred to them as "my" quarters.

"I hear we're looking for your Vulcan brother?"

Michael cocked her head at him. "So you heard about that but not that Ash and I weren't a thing?"

"You know Tracy, always quick to brief you on a mission, slow to gossip." Hugh smiled ruefully.

"Tracy?"

"Doctor Pollard?"

"Ah. I didn't know that was her first name," Michael said.

Hugh sighed. "She's Like That sometimes."

"She's an excellent doctor, and I appreciate her manner."

Hugh smiled. "You would. Nice way to change the subject though."

Michael winked. "You caught me."

"Let's just say I've had a lot of practice."

"Yes, I imagine that Commander Stamets..." Michael trailed off. "It appears that it's your turn to change the subject."

Hugh sighed. "The only way out is through, but it's uphill and there is literally nothing right now that isn't confusing--my nerves are so new that my brain--which is also new--is processing things funny. Everything feels surreal and not quite there, like it's an imperfect copy. The Jahsepp did a great job, don't get me wrong, but they weren't a hundred percent perfect and everything feels just... off."

"Is that a replication failure or the nature of your experience in the Mycelial Network?" Michael asked.

"Now you sound like Burgis. Just how many fields are you an expert in, Burnham?"

She grimaced. "Unfortunately, this is one of those subjects I've studied the hard way, doctor; although perhaps not as intensely as you have." 

He snorted. "That's one way to put it. And yet stopping is also very hard work."

"It is," Michael said. "And sometimes solitary--that's part of why I ended things with Ash."

"Try telling Paul that."

"It's different though: building a new relationship while you're trying to rebuild yourself is a herculean task. Trying to rebuild yourself with the support of someone who you love..."

Hugh scrubbed his face with a hand.

Michael raised a single eyebrow in a gesture that was so Vulcan that Hugh suddenly understood why someone might've initially told Paul that she was a Vulcan.

"I remember loving him, but my feelings...." He shook his head. "Don't say it sounds like trauma. I know it sounds like trauma, but..."

"You're a scientist besides a doctor, right?"

"Yes?"

"Perhaps you need to do the experiment?"

"On Paul's feelings?" Hugh shook his head. "That doesn't seem right."

"Shouldn't Commander Stamets get a say in that decision?"

"You sound like Burgis," Hugh said again.

"You should listen to her, she's smart," Paul said as he approached them. 

Hugh scrubbed a hand over his face.

"One of those sessions, huh?" Paul laid a hand on his shoulder.

Hugh fought the urge to lean into the touch. "You saw..."

"I lost my husband." Paul's voice was raw.

Oh. _Oh._.

No wonder Paul was so cavalier about Hugh's feelings at first. The joy at his return had drowned everything else. And a broken heart was worse then...

Hugh wasn't sure what to do with that. "I... can... Can we go home?"

Paul smiled. "Yeah. Yeah, we can go home." He offered Hugh his hand.

Why was... oh. Yeah. OK.

He'd called it home. Which it was.

_The only way to find the end of the path is to walk it._

Hugh took Paul's hand, following him back to their quarters.

* * *

"What do you need?" Paul asked, softly, once the door was closed behind them.

"A really tight hug, a cuddle, and to pour my heart out to you so that I feel like you know what you're getting into with me right now," Hugh said. "I'm just not sure what order."

Paul opened his arms. "Hug first. Then cuddle and talk at the same time?"

Hugh fell into Paul's arms. He wasn't sure if 'simultaneous' was really the best order on the other two, but hug first he could get behind.

Paul practically squeezed the life out of him. Hugh didn't feel like he could complain too much--he had said he wanted a really tight hug, after all--and honestly it felt really good. Like somehow the power of Paul's arms could push away the bad, the hurt, _Tyler_. Paul's arms loosened, and he started to pull away.

"Not yet," Hugh said.

"Come on, let's sit," Paul said, gently steering him towards the couch.

Hugh let himself be steered, if for no other reason that he knew once they were seated Paul would put his arms around him again. Paul in fact did, drawing Hugh close.

Hugh snuggled into Paul's arms, getting himself arranged just so, then relaxing against him. Hugh sighed contentedly.

Paul kissed the top of his head. "That work?"

"Yeah." It felt good, centering.

"Ready to talk?" Paul asked.

Not really, but he might never be ready. Hugh sighed, this time with frustration. "I'm not even sure where to start."

"I've been hanging out with Tilly long enough that you can go non-linear."

Hugh snorted. "Okay then." And he started pouring his heart out.

* * *

Fifteen minutes later he crashed his face into Paul's chest, too spent to even find some kind of concluding thought.

Paul kissed the top of his head again. "No wonder you're a mess."

"If it's too much..."

Paul stopped that sentence with a kiss to the lips. "You're _my mess_. Got it, Mister?"

"Yes, sir," Hugh said.

"You don't have to sir me, we're the same rank," Paul teased.

"Then don't mister me, mister."

"Hey, that's Doctor to you."

"My kind's better," Hugh replied, starting to shift--it was an old joke, but maybe it was the time for that.

Paul pulled him close again. "Nope, no moving."

Hugh couldn't really blame him. He shifted a little, settling himself against Paul. He felt warm and snug. Safe. He drifted off to sleep.

* * *

A ringing sound interrupted Hugh's dreams.

"Huh, wha?" Paul said from close by.

"We fell asleep," Hugh said. "It can wait, can't it?"

"That's Jeanie's ring," Paul said. "I never called her back. Shit. Let me up?"

Hugh sighed, reluctantly shifting so that Paul could go retrieve his padd. Then he thought better of it and stood, heading for the bed.

* * *

Paul wanted to protest when Hugh stood up, but he was right--it would be a shock to Jeanie to see her Uncle Hugh, who she thought was dead--who they'd all thought was dead.

It didn't mean he had to like it though. He pasted on a smile--Jeanie had been having a rough time of it and she didn't deserve him being cranky with her just because he didn't want to stop cuddling with Hugh. (Even though he really didn't want to stop cuddling with Hugh.)

He answered the ringing padd and the Uncle Paul Bear filled the screen.

"Hi, Big Me. I'm calling for Hugh Bear."

"I, uh..."

The bear materialized in his lap, Hugh wrapping his arms around Paul's shoulders in the process. "Hi, Paul Bear. How was your day?"

"It was...." Jeanie appeared on the screen. "Uncle Paul, are you using a voice changer program or something? That sounded just like Uncle Hugh!"

"I'm not saying anything, Jeanie," Paul said, wondering where Hugh was going with this.

"Not funny, Uncle Paul. Stuffed animals don't really talk. And using a voice changer is..."

"Not what he's doing," Hugh said, leaning over Paul's shoulder so as to be picked up by the camera.

"Uncle Hugh? I thought..."

Shit, they didn't have a cover story.

"Yeah, funny story," Paul said, "we thought he was dead but he'd been..."

"Captured," Hugh said, quickly. "The Klingons made a pretty good clone of my body and it fooled everyone. It took this long for the diplomats to dig me out."

"That sounds very scary," Jeanie said, quietly.

Hugh walked around the couch and sat next to Paul.

Paul draped a protective arm around his partner's shoulders. 

Hugh leaned into the touch. "It was. I... I really don't want to talk about it very much."

Jeanie frowned. "You don't think my parents...."

"No, sweetheart," Paul said, "too many people saw them die."

"Uncle Jack would say I'm really lucky to get two uncles back, and I shouldn't push my luck."

"It's only natural that you would ask," Paul said. Hugh was leaning into him more heavily, and Paul suspected a change of subject was in order. "How's the science fair project coming?"

Jeanie frowned. "Dr. Haerawh says I can't do my project on anything to do with bugs. Or mycelia. They seem to think I'd get help."

"There's always differential gravity's effect on root systems," Hugh suggested, "it's a classic."

Jeanie scrunched up her nose. "That's no fun Uncle Hugh, you just put a bunch of seeds in a differential gravity chamber and take measurements every few days."

"Carnivorous plants?" Paul suggested.

"They eat bugs."

"But you love bugs!"

"Exactly, I don't want to feed the poor bugs to plants!"

Paul had to fight a giggle. 

"What's so funny, Uncle Paul?"

That kid missed _nothing_.

"You," Paul said. "You're adorable."

Jeanie flushed scarlet.

Hugh yawned.

"I think Uncle Hugh's ready to go to sleep," Jeanie said.

"It's fine, you two can keep talking," Hugh said, snuggling a little closer into Paul.

It was a nice change from the previous evening, that was for sure.

* * *

Hugh woke, beads of sweat causing his pajamas to stick to his back. Paul had an arm slung around him, but it hadn't been enough to stave off dreams of being back in the Network.

Hugh wriggled away from Paul, heading for the couch. He wanted to do some of the deep breathing exercises Burgis had given him. Also he felt very warm and just wanted to cool off. 

He detoured to the bathroom for a glass of water, then back to the couch. He set it down, clinking as it collided with something. The screen lit up. It was Paul's padd, which had been left on the coffee table. Hugh moved his glass, then realized it was showing a call.

The ID read "Sprite"

Instinct took over and Hugh grabbed the padd, tapping the answer button before the thing could ring and wake Paul.

"Kiddo, what time is it on Proxima?" Hugh asked as Jeannie's face came into view.

Her face was pale and tear streaked. "It's 2 AM." She brushed away the tears with the back of her hand. “I had a bad dream and I didn't want to wake up Uncle Jack again.”

"Again?" Hugh asked.

Jeanie nodded. "I have bad dreams a lot. I think he's tired of me waking him up. He's been pretty tired from it too."

"He's probably just worried that you're not getting enough sleep," Hugh said. "Your Uncle Jack loves you and I'm sure he..."

Jeanie shook her head. "He's getting tired of me and I just don't want to bother him. Uncle Paul said I could call at any time."

“Of course you can," Hugh said, meaning it. "I can't sleep either. Do you want to talk to me about it? Or would you rather I woke up Uncle Paul?"

Jeanie bit her lip.

“You can tell me anything,” Hugh said. "Or I can wake up your Uncle Paul. He won't mind, I promise."

He would mind, a little, but he wouldn't want Jeanie to be upset if he could do something about it either.

“I dreamed that the Klingons kidnapped Mommy and Daddy and were holding them prisoner.”

Fuck, this was his fault.

"And that they came back and they were mad at me."

"Why would they be mad at you?" Hugh asked.

"For not coming to find them."

"Jeanie, you're just a kid!" Hugh said.

"But..."

"How much choice did you get in what happened that day?" Hugh asked.

"N... None," Jeanie said, her voice shaking.

"So why would they blame you?"

Jeanie frowned. "You're not mad at Uncle Paul for not coming to look for you?"

"No." Well, yes, a little bit. Which was seriously irrational given he'd had a _body_ to bury and mourn, and if their conversation in the network was any indication, Paul didn't even remember what he'd done until well after the fact.

Like when they'd _found_ him.

Jeanie's parents wouldn't lie to her like that, but just this once, just this once...

"And even if I was, it would be wholly irrational and I wouldn't..."

"You're totally a little mad at him," Jeanie said.

Hugh tittered nervously. She was just like her uncle--too smart for her own good. "OK, maybe a little bit but he had no rational reason to come looking for me and I realize that. Sometimes feelings are...." He trailed off. "Sometimes you just have to tuck them away because they don't help you know?"

"Sometimes you just can't."

"It gets easier when you get older, but yes, sometimes you just can't." Hugh scrubbed a hand over his face, thinking of his confrontation with ~~Voq~~ ~~Tyler~~ Voq|Tyler the previous day. "And sometimes you don't know where to put them and they come out in funny ways."

Jeanie nodded. "I was almost crying in art class for no reason."

"No reason?" Hugh asked. "What was your art project?"

"Nature study drawings."

"What bug were you drawing?"

"What makes you think I was drawing a bug?"

Hugh tilted his head and scrunched up his eyes.

"Ok, it was a Proxima Scarab Mantis," Jeanie said. "And I was trying to get the segmentation on the legs just right and I remembered Mommy teaching me about..." Her voice broke.

"No reason huh?" Hugh said.

Jeannie sniffled. "I miss her so much and sometimes at night it's the worst and... It's been so long! When is it going to go away?" She paused. Sighed. "Dr. Meadows says it won't ever go away but it will get better, but it's taking _forever_. It's been over a year!"

Hugh's brain froze. Jeanie had lost her parents over a year ago.

"Uncle Hugh?"

"Sorry, kiddo. Time's been a little weird," Hugh said. It was hard to figure out just how long he'd actually been dead, given Discovery's accidental time jump. "Just trying to figure out where all that time went."

"Are you okay, Uncle Hugh?"

He bit back a "yes, of course sweetie."

"No," he said. "But I'm getting better. And I don't know what Dr. Meadows tells you, but Counselor Burgess said I should make sure I got plenty of sleep. I should probably try again. Are you ready to try?"

Jeanie squirmed.

"What is it, sweetie?"

"Can you sing to me Uncle Hugh?"

Hugh glanced towards the bed, worried about waking Paul. 

"Please?"

Paul was sometimes a heavy sleeper, and... Well worst case, he could say good night to his niece. Hopefully Paul wouldn't wake up.

He started to sing.

_Smile though your heart is aching  
Smile even though it's breaking_

Jeanie yawned, setting her padd on its charger, which still offered a view of the bed.

Hugh smiled, continuing the song...

_If you just smile_

He finished, met only with silence on the other end.

"Jeanie? Are you awake?"

She didn't answer.

He hung up, stood, and put Paul's padd on the charger, then climbed into bed.

"That was gorgeous," Paul murmured.

"Sorry, didn't mean to wake you," Hugh said, laying next to him. It felt weird, not snuggling into Paul's side.

But for reasons he couldn't quite fathom, it felt weirder to do so.

"It's ok, it's a pretty pleasant way to wake up. Jeanie OK?"

"She's still having a hard time. Hope you don't mind me answering your padd, it was kind of a reflex."

"No worries. I'll tell Jack she called again though."

"This isn't the first time?" Hugh asked.

"The first time was an accident because she got her time zones mixed up. When she found out I didn't mind she started calling sometimes when she doesn't want to wake Jack up. He doesn't mind, but she keeps thinking he will."

"Poor kid," Hugh said. "She's been through a lot."

"Yeah," Paul said. "She has a lot of people who care about her and want to help her through this. She just needs to reach out."

"I can get not wanting to bother Jack all the time though; he must get tired of being woken up in the middle of the night."

"He loves her, he wants to make sure she's OK." Paul's hand emerged from the covers, but then he drew it back. "What were you doing up?"

"Nightmare."

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really," Hugh replied.

"OK. I'm here if you change your mind." Paul settled back down against the pillow.

Hugh lay there for a long time, just watching him sleep.

* * *

The next couple weeks had their ups and downs--Paul had been summoned back to work and then Captain Pike reinstated Hugh--both the Captain and Counselor Burgis agreed that getting back to work would be good for him.

They weren't wrong. Hugh felt like he was getting on much more solid footing.

Someone needed to tell his 2 AM brain that.

It had been pretty average--he turned over, got up to use the bathroom, and then settled back to bed, eyes on Paul. His partner's lips were parted in sleep, his hair tousled, and a thin line of drool running down his cheek.

In short, he was beautiful.

_And all mine,_ Hugh reminded himself. He smiled, a wave of love sweeping over him, like a part that had been knocked loose clicking into place. He slid across the bed, to get a little closer to Paul.

Paul murmured, pulling Hugh into his arms in his sleep. It worked every time. He closed his eyes, relaxing into his husband's chest.

And then their wedding vows floated across his mind, _'til death do us part._

Oh. Oh shit. No. That wasn't... his breathing quickened.

Hugh took deep breaths-- counting three in, four out--the way Burgis had taught him for panic attacks. It was ok. Paul was right here. 

Paul gave him a tight hug. "What's wrong?" he murmured, voice so full of sleep that Hugh wondered if he was talking in his sleep again.

"You really want to wake up to this?" Hugh hoped Paul hadn't noticed he was shaking.

"For better or worse, remember?" Paul said, softly, his voice very far away. He slid a hand up to the back of Hugh's head, his fingers absently working into his hair.

"'Til death do us part, remember?"

Paul cracked open his eyes. "Do you want to debate whether that applies or a solution so you can go back to sleep?"

Hugh frowned. "You got a solution? While sleeping?"

"'m awake. We renew our vows. Can ask Pike in the morning" Paul tightened his grip on Hugh's head, gently directing Hugh's face to his shoulder.

Oh. _Duh._ Tension left him like a suddenly opened drain.

"Dibs on Tilly," Paul murmured.

Hugh chuckled. "I kinda figured." He debated calling dibs on Michael, but he was tired, and he suspected Paul wouldn't remember a word of this conversation in the morning.

* * *


	3. Chapter 3

Hugh eased into consciousness, the circle of Paul's arms providing protection from the outside world, even if his padd was kind of shoved into his side so Paul could work on it.

"Morning," Hugh said sleepily.

"I found a gorgeous garden we could book on Starbase 12 when we put in for shore leave in three days," Paul said. "We could get the family to meet us. Invite Burnham, Tilly, and Pollard? Or we could get dressed and go find Captain Pike."

Hugh blinked. "Wait, for the vow renewal?"

"No, for Jeanie's Sweet Sixteen party, which is how long you've been asleep. Are you ok?"

"I... wasn't expecting you to even remember that conversation, yet alone start making _plans_ ," Hugh said. "You're not going to go overboard with the calligraphy again, are you?"

Paul chuckled. "Nah. I was thinking we call the fam on subspace and invite anyone else shipboard in person. I figure maybe my brother and nephew for my attendants, your sister and elder nephew for yours--if you want, I mean--Jeanie for flower girl and let Freddy reprise his role as ring bearer."

Hugh leaned into Paul, laughing. "Think he can find his way down the aisle this time?"

"So garden? Gives me a couple days to write new vows."

"Five hundred words," Hugh said, remembering Paul's fifteen minute ramble at their wedding.

Their first wedding? Who knew.

"OK," Paul said. 

"I mean it," Hugh said. "I'll get Freddy to write an app to check. Also, what happened to dibs on Tilly?"

"Unbalanced sides," Paul said. "Unless there's someone else you can ask?"

"Pollard." Something struck him. "Wait, our whole families are more than three days from Starbase 12."

"Oops. Surprise?" Paul said.

Hugh laughed. "I'm amazed you kept that one a secret for that long."

"Jeanie. Puppy dog eyes."

"Can we talk about the bear?" Hugh asked.

"Again. Jeanie. Puppy dog eyes."

"That explains its existence," Hugh said, "but what was it doing on my side of the bed?"

Paul blushed. "I had a tendency to roll over and wake up when I didn't land in your arms. Oddly, the bear helped with that."

Hugh cupped Paul's chin with his palm, gently stroking his lips with his thumb. "Oh, _honey_. "

"Is it really that pathetic?" Paul asked.

"I think I've been so tied up in my own shit I haven't really had time to think about what you went through," Hugh said, softly.

"I missed you," Paul said, "I'm so glad you're back but things feel..." He trailed off.

"We've both changed, been through a lot. We're feeling each other out again."

"I'm not worried about that, but sometimes..." Paul sighed. "Sometimes you turn over in your sleep and leave the bed for a little and I wake up in a panic because you're not right beside me."

"If I was awake anyway, why didn't you say something?"

"Like you said, you've been dealing with a lot of your own shit, you didn't need mine on top if it," Paul said, "and I didn't want you to feel bad for waking me up. Besides, the thing I need most when that kind of thing happens is to hold you tight, and you end up snuggled in my arms half the time anyway."

"I have been kind of snuggly lately, haven't I?"

"And I've loved every minute of it," Paul replied, placing a light kiss on Hugh's lips. "Needed it even."

"Is there something more I can do?" Hugh asked.

Paul's stomach rumbled. "Get up and go to breakfast with me?" He paused. "Maybe make that brunch it's almost 11-hundred."

Hugh blinked.

"What? Neither of us has a shift today and I figured you needed the sleep after last night."

"You're not in the lab."

"I don't have a shift?"

"Never stopped you before."

Paul frowned at him. "You know what hurt the most, after you died?"

"No, what?" Hugh asked--what did this have to do with anything?

"All the times I was at work when I could have been spending time with you."

"That's why you took leave right after I got back?"

"Yes," Paul said. "I.... I could've been a better partner, Hugh. I don't want to waste this second chance." His stomach rumbled again. "I do, however, really want to go get something to eat. Let's get dressed."

"But that requires _moving_ ," Hugh groused good naturedly.

Paul wriggled away from him. "Come on, we can't stay in bed all day, Pike will send someone to drag us out of bed."

"I assume you say this from personal experience," Hugh said, pulling Paul to him. "but I doubt that in this case. He'd probably just assume..." Hugh kissed Paul rather than finish his sentence, then pulled away raising his eyebrows.

"Food, then fooling around." Paul gave Hugh another peck on the lips, then stood up.

Hugh sighed. "Promises promises."

* * *

"You never gave me an answer," Paul said as they sat down at a table, veggie omelettes and breakfast burritos between them. 

"About?"

"Are we rounding up Tilly, Burnham, and Pollard and going to the Captain or are we reserving the garden on the Starbase?" Paul asked.

Hugh thought about it for a moment. "Is this a why not both sort of thing?"

Paul laughed. "Does that mean I get a thousand words?"

"Maybe we'd better wait 'til we meet up with Freddy and his app," Hugh said.

"Oooh, nephew stories, mind if I join you?" Tilly asked. She had a plate with a chocolate donut in one hand and a giant mug of coffee in the other.

"Yes, but I might make you get something more nutritious for breakfast," Hugh said.

"Midmorning snack," Tilly said. "I had a breakfast burrito."

"Do you always play hooky when I'm gone?" Paul teased lightly.

"The AI we're building trying to find a non-organic navigation system is Just Not Cooperating," Tilly said. "I'm probably doing something stupid with the code and I'm hoping a break will help." She paused. "Especially if it includes nephew stories." She looked at Hugh with big eyes.

Hugh laughed. "That would be burying the lede."

"Lede?" Tilly echoed.

"We're going to renew our vows when we get to Starbase 42. I hope you'll join us," Paul said.

Tilly squealed and bowled Paul over in a hug.

"I really can ask Tracy," Hugh said. "If you want..."

"We can't both come?" Tilly asked. Her tone made it clear that she was teasing.

Hugh couldn't help but think if Paul hadn't already called dibs, he'd ask Tilly to be _his_ attendent.

"What Hugh is dancing around is would you be one of my attendants during the ceremony?"

Tilly's jaw dropped, and she nodded, eyes a little watery.

Paul pulled her into a hug. "I didn't think it was actually possible to render you speechless. I feel honored."

Hugh just smiled at him broadly. "Should we put her on Jeanie wrangling duty?"

"She's almost eight, Hugh, I think she can find the way down the aisle--unless Starbase 42 has a bug infestation."

"Wow," Tilly said, "Is she almost eight already?"

"Time flies when you skip right over nine months," Paul said.

"What's she up to?"

Paul started filling Tilly in on Jeanie's science fair project woes.

* * *

Hugh found Pollard on the observation deck and slid into a seat next to her. "Got a sec, Tracy?"

"Sure, how are you doing?"

"Really well, actually."

"Then why do you have 'I need something' face."

"Paul and I are going to renew our vows on the Starbase in a few days and I was hoping you'd be one of my attendants."

"I'm glad you two kids worked it out," Pollard said. "On one condition though?"

"I'm listening."

"Can I wear my dress uniform? Dresses aren't really my thing."

"I'm the only one wearing a dress in this wedding, honey," Hugh said, adopting a higher voice. "Possibly. But no, seriously, we were going to put everyone in matching suits and my sister will probably want a pantsuit too. No dresses required."

Pollard chuckled. "Works for me."

Hugh smiled broadly. Everything was falling into place. Almost.

* * *

Paul shifted nervously outside Burnham and Tilly's quarters. 

Hugh rolled his eyes. "Come on, Paul, it's not that bad. She's already ordained."

"I know, just..."

Hugh rolled his eyes and reached up to ring the door chime. The door opened and Tilly skidded to a stop just before she bumped into Paul.

"Oh, sorry, I wasn't expecting you," Tilly said. "Did you guys have dress plans you wanted to make or something?"

"We're not quite on clothes yet," Hugh said. "Though you're welcome to wear your dress uniform if you want. We actually wanted a word with Michael if she's around."

"I'm here," Michael popped her head out from around Tilly. "I'm curious what's going on that you need my services? Do you need Tilly too? Is there something going on with the Red Angel?"

"No," Hugh said, "this is a personal visit."

Michael raised an eyebrow.

"See?" Tilly said.

"Didn't you have somewhere you needed to be?" Hugh asked.

"Not that's so urgent that I can't be here long enough to kick some sense into Michael if she's about to turn you down for no good reason."

"Tilly..."

"Michael..."

"Can't you see that Paul and Hugh want to talk in private?"

Tilly gave her a look.

"I won't just dismiss them, I promise."

"If she tells you no, come find me and I'll twist her arm," Tilly said.

She pointed her two fingers at her eyes, then back at Michael.

The door closed behind her. Hugh, Michael, and Paul all looked at each other and cracked up laughing.

"She's too much sometimes," Michael said, shaking her head.

"She'll calm down," Paul said. "Maybe. I actually rendered her speechless earlier."

"She mentioned that, but refused to say for what."

"Speechless and _discrete_?" Paul asked.

"I may have to examine her," Hugh joked.

Michael pulled out the chairs from the table that sat behind Tilly's bed, and then gestured for them to have a seat. 

She sat on her own bed. "So, if this is personal, what's going on?"

"Paul and I are planning on renewing our vows when we get to Starbase 42," Hugh said.

"And we saw your name in the Federation registry of officiants," Paul said. "So we were hoping you could help us out."

"You don't want to ask Captain Pike?" Michael asked.

"Why would we do that when we could have our friend marry us instead?" Hugh said. "Pike's a good guy--I'd say he's better than our last Captain, but let's face it, that's a low bar."

Paul snorted. "Oh, so now that he's gone you'll admit it."

"Don't start, honey," Hugh said. "And besides, otherwise Paul would want you to attend him and I'm not sure who I'd ask on such short notice to balance things out."

Michael's jaw dropped. "You wouldn't ask Dr. Pollard?"

"I did," Hugh said. "Paul asked Tilly. My sister and older nephew, his brother and nephew, and Jeanie and my younger nephew are the wedding party. What we really need is an officiant."

"I'd be honored," Michael said. "Also, I'm sure Jeanie would remind you that they're all three both of your nephews."

Hugh laughed. "I'm sure she would. She'll be glad to see you again."

"I'll be glad to see her," Michael said. "Let me pull up my notes from when I registered--it was for a couple of very good friends on the Shenzhou and it's been a couple years. We'll need to talk about what sort of ceremony you want to have. I'm not sure why you were so concerned about a registered officiant when you're doing a vow renewal, so one question is the legality..."

"Our vows included 'til death do us part' and..." Hugh started.

"Oh," Michael said. "I see your concern. I mean, we could argue either case, but we'll definitely want to make sure this is legally binding, just in case."

Hugh smiled. "Thank you."

* * *


	4. Chapter 4

"Uncle Hugh!" Jeanie called as they exited the transporter room.

Hugh barely had time to brace himself before he was smashed into by almost twice as much niece as he was expecting. "Holy cow, Jeanie, what is your uncle feeding you? Growth hormones?"

"You don't eat growth hormones," Jeanie said, "you inject them."

"Did you actually read something about mammals?" Hugh asked.

"Uh-huh." Jeanie shifted a little, settling against his side. "I had to, it was for school. It's kind of interesting, but I prefer bugs."

"Get used to it, Sprite. They make you learn about everything if you get a biology degree," Paul said.

"Mm-hmm," Jeanie said. She was still clinging to Hugh.

Andy reached them, finally. He saw Hugh had his arms full, and then went to hug Paul instead. "Hey, Uncle Paul."

Paul patted his back. "What's news, squirt?"

"Not too much," Andy said. He seemed oddly sedate.

He turned to Hugh. "It's good to see you Uncle Hugh. I'd give you a hug, but it looks like you've got your arms full."

"Nope,'" Jeanie said. "Not moving."

Andy rolled his eyes and shook his head.

Paul laughed, he couldn't help it.

"What?" Andy said.

"You look just like your Dad when he gets annoyed with me," Paul said.

"So he always looks like me," Jack joked. He pulled Paul into a bear hug. "I'm so happy for you, Fungus Face."

"Can you give 'Fungus Face' a rest for my wedding day?" Paul asked.

"The second one doesn't count," Jack said. "Also, I have to give you twice the grief. I'm flying solo here."

Paul rolled his eyes, but Hugh could see his heart twisting a little. Stacy would be having a field day, wouldn't she?

"Uncle Hugh!" Freddy called, running.

Hugh gently reached down. "Hey, Jeanie, I think Freddy would like a turn for a hug."

"Who's Freddy?"

"One of my other nephews," Hugh said.

Freddy skidded to a halt. "Um, who's this."

"Freddy, this my niece, Jeanie. Jeanie, this is my nephew Freddy."

"So we're cousins?" Freddy asked.

"Not really," Hugh said. "Jeanie's mother was Paul's sister."

"Oh," Freddy said.

Jeanie, probably spurred on by her mother's constant drilling of good manners, finally disengaged from Hugh. "I'm Jeanie Carleton-Stamets. Nice to meet you." She held out her hand.

Freddy smiled. "Freddy Culber."

Hugh raised an eyebrow--when had Freddy stopped using his father's last name?

They stood awkwardly for a second.

"Hey, Jeanie," Paul said. "Any chance you'll give me a hug, too? Or is Uncle Hugh your favorite now?"

"Excuse me," Jeanie said, and ran over to glomp Paul.

"She almost bowled him over," Freddy said.

"Jeanie's pretty enthusiastic." Hugh held out his arms invitingly.

Freddy hugged him tightly. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Kiddo." Hugh kissed the top of his head. "Hey, your grandma's here."

Before Freddy could move, Hugh's mother had run up and gathered both of them in a crushing embrace. "My baby!" she sobbed, covering Hugh's face with kisses.

Freddy squirmed away, and Hugh could sense Paul coming up.

"Hi, Dr. Culber."

Hugh's mother turned to look at Paul, not letting go. "Paul Stamets, how many times do we need to go over this? You're marrying my son-- _again_. Call me Cyndi."

Paul's mother approached. "Now, wait a minute, Cyndi. I have that same argument with your son every time I see him, and he claims it's because of the way you raised him."

She socked Hugh in the arm "Hugh Culber, you are not fourteen years old anymore, you're allowed to refer to your elders by their first names if they tell you to."

"Ow, Mom, that _hurt_."

"Good, that's what you get for scaring me to death."

Freddy laughed. "Ooh, Uncle Hugh, you're in _trouble_."

"You're damn right he is!" Hugh's mom said.

"Mom!" Alexa exclaimed. "Don't encourage Freddy's potty mouth."

Hugh looked at Paul. "If we do this a third time, remind me that we want to elope."

"If I promise to be good, can I be your witness?" Jeanie asked.

"You probably have to be eighteen," Andy pointed out.

"Well, if we're going to do this every decade or so she will be," Paul pointed out.

Jeanie bounced on her heels. "Yay!"

Hugh rubbed the bridge of his nose. Maybe they should've just asked Captain Pike after all and been done with it.

Paul wrapped a protective arm around Hugh. "Why don't we go have a sit down in one of the gardens for a while? You look like you could use some quiet."

Paul had been the absolute _best_ lately.

"Yes, please," Hugh said. "We'll catch up with everyone later, ok?"

Paul steered him off before anyone could reply.

* * *

Paul steered him to a bench.

Hugh sank into it gratefully, leaning against Paul's side. "Thank you."

"If you're suggesting we should've eloped, you needed a break," Paul said.

Hugh drew him into a kiss. "You're the best."

Paul smiled as he kissed back.

Yup, definitely glad to be marrying him again.

* * * 

Hugh looked in the mirror, eying his rainbow tux. "Maybe I should've gone for the white dress."

Tracy rolled her eyes and straightened his tie, affecting an accent. "You look fabulous, darling. Do I need to get Reno in here to slam some sense into you? She's good at that."

Hugh chuckled. "I'll be good. I'll stay away from the synthesizer, I promise."

"Don't listen to him." Alexa stood on her tiptoes to pat a stray hair back into place. "Their first wedding he and Paul had six months to plan and he was looking at synthesizer patterns fifteen minutes before the ceremony. Calm down, Hugh. If he was going to run away, he would've by now, and if he were going to do that--well, did he tell you he offered to take Freddy and James if something happened to me even after you were gone?"

Hugh stared. "No. My G-d, did he really?" His eyes started welling up as he was overcome with emotion.

"You've got a good man, Hugh." Alexa cupped the side of his face. "This is pomp and circumstance and an extra piece of paper to be extra careful. Whether or not it's perfect, at the end of the day you'll still be married to Paul. And this time we can be sure Freddy can find the end of the aisle."

"I still maintain that I should've been the ringbearer last time," James said. He was sitting on the dresser in the dressing room that the starbase provided--a lot of events were held in that garden. His tie hung open, the red clashing fiercely with the lilac.

He'd picked it, and Alexa and Hugh had decided it wasn't worth an argument.

"You want to be the ringbearer instead?" Hugh offered. "I bet Freddy would trade with you."

"That's OK, Uncle Hugh," James said. "I like being grown up enough to be an attendant."

"You want to help your uncle get his tie smooth, then?" Alexa asked, winking at Hugh.

James stood, frowning. "I still can't tie a tie, Mom. No matter how many times Uncle Paul and Grandpa try to show me over video chat."

"No wonder yours is untied," Hugh said. "Come here, I'll show you."

* * *

Paul stood, staring at himself in his tux. "Maybe we should've gone for dress uniforms."

Jack rolled his eyes. "You look fine, Fungus Face."

Tilly punched him in the arm. "Be nice."

"I'm just trying to avoid a repeat of his first wedding when Stacy and I kept having to wrestle him away from the synthesizer because he kept changing outfits."

"And yet you're calling him 'Fungus Face'," Tilly said.

"Don't you dare, Jack," Paul said, his voice low.

"Don't I dare what?" Jack straightened Paul's tie. "Tell your protegé how you got that nickname?"

Jeanie bounced into the room. "Mommy showed me a picture once. He went mushroom picking and then ate the mushrooms and was super sloppy and it got all over his face!"

"Awww," Tilly said.

"Thanks, Sprite, I really didn't want Tilly to know that." Paul glared at her.

Jeanie shrunk back, cowed. "Why not?"

"Because it's embarrassing."

Jeanie wrinkled her nose. "Why?"

"It just is."

"I was a kid too, once, Commander," Tilly said.

Paul rolled his eyes. "Come on, Tilly, it's my wedding, you don't have to call me by my rank."

"Look who's talking, _Stamets_ ," Tilly said.

"Paul. Do you think you can manage Paul?"

"We'll just have to see, Sir."

Paul rolled his eyes.

Tilly stepped back. "I think he's presentable."

"Just presentable?" Paul asked with a sigh.

"Don't worry, Sir Paul, I think Dr. Cul.... er, Hugh is still going to think you're the best looking guy in the room."

Paul flushed.

"I wouldn't have taken you for a blushing bride," Jack teased. "Especially the second time around."

"Shut up, Jack," Paul said good naturedly.

* * *

"I'm so happy we get to do this for you again," Paul's mother said as she and his father joined them in the small dressing room.

She was wearing a simple blue dress and looked stunning. 

"You look great, Mom," Paul said.

"Come on, Honey, we don't want to keep your groom waiting like last time."

Paul rolled his eyes. "It was two minutes. Two."

"Let it go, Alison," his father said, "can't you see the man is nervous?"

"I'm not nervous," Paul lied. "I've done this before."

"Then why are you tapping your fingers like that?" 

"Why not?" Paul asked.

"Uncle Paul, are sure you and Uncle Hugh won't get in trouble if I throw flower petals all over the aisle?" Jeanie asked. 

Paul could've hugged her if his mom hadn't started fussing with his tie. "Positive, Kiddo. That's the _point_ of having a flower girl."

"There," his mother patted Paul's chest, then surveyed her work. "What do you think, Eric?"

"I think he looked fine before you did that--I thought you were worried about running late. Come on, Jeanie," his father said.

"But..."

"No one's going to get in trouble because you throw flower petals on the ground, Jeanie," Paul said. "They'll just blow them away and compost them like they do with the rest of the plant detritus in the garden."

"Detri-tus?" Jeanie sounded out.

"He means trash, squirt," Andy said. "Come on, let's go. Uncle Hugh will start thinking Uncle Paul changed his mind."

"He would never," Jeanie gasped.

Paul wondered who "he" was in that sentence, but as his mom was practically frog marching him out of the room, he didn't have the chance to ask.

* * *

Hugh waited impatiently by the door, mindful that everyone else was picking up on his nerves. He and Paul had decided to walk down the aisle together this time--moving forward--but to get ready separately. He and the others had only been waiting about a minute, but Hugh was.... Ridiculously nervous given he was essentially renewing the same vows he'd taken a decade before and never regretted.

Well, that one time--no, not even once--not even when his idiot partner had injected himself with tardigrade DNA. Confine him to sickbay forever, maybe, but he hadn't regretted those vows.

Jeanie bounced down the stairs ahead of everyone else. "I get to make a mess, Uncle Hugh!" she said excitedly.

"You do!" Hugh replied, wondering if she was 8 or 6. No matter. She was adorable.

"Ok, places!" Reno shouted, clapping her hands. "Let's get this show on the road people."

They started lining up as they'd planned.

Hugh took Paul's arm. "I'm wondering if we're going to regret letting her do the heavy lifting on running the show."

Reno was manhandling a reluctant Freddy into place.

"We'll be lucky if she doesn't duct tape us together," Paul said. "But she's better at wrangling Freddy than our first wedding planner."

"He's ten years older," Hugh replied.

"You two are ridiculous," Reno said. "I didn't bring my duct tape. It's a wedding! You ready?"

"Yes," they both said at once.

"I'm right here, I got you," Paul whispered.

"I'm okay."

"Then why are you squeezing my arm so tight?" Paul asked.

Hugh loosened his grip.

"I wasn't complaining."

Hugh was a little surprised at the crowd that had gathered outside. Had they really invited so many people? He wasn't surprised to see most of the rest of his coworkers in sickbay--the CMO must've been holding down the fort in sickbay on her own--but several members of the science department had shown up as well.

Paul must have bonded with more of the science department than Hugh had realized. Paul's foot slipped, and Hugh automatically moved his other arm to Paul's waist to steady him. Paul just grinned.

Hugh raised an eyebrow in question--Paul wouldn't try something so theatrical on purpose, would he?

"Flower petal," Paul mouthed.

Hugh wasn't sure if he was convinced or not, but this was about as far from the right time to press as it could possibly get.

Well, maybe their first wedding.

They arrived at the other end of the aisle to where Michael and the rest of the wedding party waited for them.

Michael smiled. "Friends, family, and colleagues, we have gathered here today to celebrate the love of my two dear friends, Hugh Culber and Paul Stamets. The past year has been especially difficult for them--sickness, separation, and all manner of unhappy things that they--somewhat illogically--have forbidden me from mentioning in my litany."

There were a few chuckles.

"Anyone who knows these two knows that they are aggressively private--I didn't even realize that they were a couple until several months after I joined the crew of Discovery--and I was working for Paul at the time!"

The assembled witnesses laughed. Paul flushed, dipping his head bashfully. Hugh chuckled--still remembering Michael telling him that she could "handle" Paul.

"To be honest, if I had seen them together before I dragged Hugh into Engineering to talk to Paul, it might've been a different story. They are always strictly professional, but the warmth in their eyes when they look at each other is impossible to miss.

"I can hope that some day everyone at this gathering of friends can find someone who loves, admires, and supports each other the way that Paul and Hugh do. The Federation manual on conducting marriages suggests that the officiant impart some wisdom on the happy couple about great relationships. However..." Michael paused, "let's just say that watching these two has taught me more than I could ever hope to teach them."

Hugh felt his cheeks burning, glad he wasn't as pale as Paul so that it wouldn't show as much. (Hugh could see Paul's ears turning bright pink out of the corner of his eye.)

"Face each other," Michael instructed.

Hugh turned, smiling widely--Paul had always been adorable when he blushed, and right now was no exception.

"Hugh," Michael said, "renew your promise to Paul."

"Paul. It's been a hard road lately and things got..." he paused, he'd thought he'd had this all worked out in his head, but apparently not. "Rough lately, and I tried to push you away--my feelings were a giant jumble and all I could think of was that I might hurt you.

"You looked me straight in the eyes and told me I was worth the risk. I'd gotten some good advice--the only way to know where the path leads is to walk it, and there's no one I'd rather walk life's path with than you. I love you with all of my heart, with all of my soul, and with all of my might."

Paul blinked, then smiled.

"And at this point... All I can say is that I will love you always, no matter what."

Paul looked at Michael. "Can I kiss him now?"

Hugh smiled, feeling his cheeks grow hot.

"I think you should renew your promise to Hugh first."

It was lucky for Paul that Hugh found it adorable when he pouted. Otherwise Hugh might've been upset. Instead, he just made a kissy face at Paul and then winked.

Paul gulped. "Hugh... this decade has been quite the journey, culminating in the roller coaster of the last year. On a literal roller coaster I tend to squeeze onto you tight--Yes, I know you still have the bruises--but outside of the roller coaster, I tend to wander off when things start going up hill. All I could think about the past..." he paused, "while you were d--er--MIA all I could think about was how I should've been a better partner. How I could have been. All the ways I could've tried harder. That's my promise to you here, in front of our loved ones--to try harder, to be better. To care for and nurture you to be the best version of the person that you want to be. Not to set things up so that I'm always working past the end of my shift--and to remember to message you when I absolutely have to work late. To love you more than mushrooms, and to show you that more than I used to. And to always, always be there for you when you need me, no matter what. In short..."

"Too late," James said.

"Uncle Hugh said to give him 500 words and he's not even at 200 yet," Freddy piped in.

"Boys," Alexa said warningly.

"But.." James started.

"I got you and Freddy some of that Andorian candy you like so much," Paul said. "You want me to give Freddy your share?"

"Sorry, Uncle Paul," James said.

"In short," Paul continued, "To love you with all my heart, and to honor that love by walking by your side." He nodded to Michael.

She smiled. "Right, so unless there are further objections..." She paused. "Then, by the power vested in me by the United Federation of Planets, I pronounce you married! Again."

Michael smiled, waiting. Then she laughed. "OK, Paul, you can kiss him now."

Paul laughed, and Hugh didn't wait, he leaned in, not expecting Paul to be ready to meet him--but he was, and their lips crashed together.

This led to a giggle fit on both their parts.

"Come on, not kissing after you're married is for Twentieth Century straight people," Reno joked.

Paul glared at her. Unfortunately for him, he was super adorable when he glared at other people, so Hugh leaned in, gently capturing his mouth in a kiss.

Paul jumped a little, then reached up, pulling Hugh in and returning it. For a moment, Hugh forgot that all eyes were on them and just kissed his husband--now safely, legally so again (probably, really, after they, Michael, Tilly and Tracy had signed the certificate earlier, but the ceremony made it doubly safe.)

Michael gently cleared her throat.

They broke apart, Paul's eyes shining with happiness.

"Folks, may I present, again, Lt. Commander Paul Stamets and Dr. Hugh Culber, now again joined in matrimony!"

There was a round of polite applause. Hugh and Paul walked down the aisle together again, their attendants at their heels.

* * *

They were met at the other end by Bryce, a very fancy looking camera resting on his hip. "I thought you might like some photos with the wedding party."

Hugh wondered, absently, when they'd gotten close enough to Bryce that he felt the need to help them out with photography, but... "That's very kind of you, thank you."

"I love a chance to break out my camera, it's no bother," Bryce said. "Let's put you two in the middle? Jeanie, you're the shortest, lets have you down front..."

He soon had everyone organized into a group. "Say cheese!"

"Jelly!" Jeanie said gamely.

Everyone laughed, and Hugh heard the click of the camera. 

"That's a great candid, guys, but everyone just smile big for the real picture!" Bryce said.

Hugh had to wonder if Bryce had been a wedding photographer on the side before joining Starfleet. Because he very efficiently got everyone in and out, and then pictures with each side of the family, the niece and nephews, the crew members...

"Can we get one with just me with Uncle Hugh and Uncle Paul, please?" Jeanie asked sweetly once Bryce paused, not sure what other pictures they might want.

"Sure, honey," Bryce said.

Jeanie was on Discovery for three days. How had she charmed the pants off of the entire crew in that time? 

"What about over there?" Bryce asked--pointing at a bench framed by hedges.

Hugh hopped up, and Paul sat next to him.

"Up you come, Sprite," Paul said. "Come sit in my lap before you're too big to fit."

Jeanie climbed up, Paul helping her.

"Smooth your skirt please, Jeanie," Bryce said.

Hugh laughed, helping her smooth it out her skirt, then wrapping his arms around her and Paul.

"Smile!" Bryce said. He took the picture.

"Ok, I think we're done," Bryce said.

"Do I have to move?" Jeanie asked, wiggling a little so she could snuggle both him and Paul and the same time.

"Not just yet," Paul said.

Hugh pulled them both a little tighter, enjoying the feel of his partner and his favorite niece snug in his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last primary work in this series, but I think there's a couple more prequel works bopping around my hard drive that may yet see the light of day.
> 
> When I was working on "I've Got You" I was planning a trilogy, and the vow renewal was always meant to be the ending--thus why I had to go AU (stupid season 2). Anyway, I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
